Parenting – Bedtime Woes

After a fully-packed day looking after the children, you long for bedtime. But, your child just doesn’t like the idea of going to bed before his parents. This is a common experience of most parents. You want a bit of peace and quiet at the end of a day spent in feeding them, washing clothes, clearing their mess, putting up with temper tantrums, and many other things. You ask them to go to bed, but that’s exactly what they don’t like to do.

But it seems that over a third of children refuse to go to bed before their parents!

So, if you are in that situation, here are some pointers that might help:

You can start by assessing how much sleep your child needs. While most children below the age of 12 require about 10 to 12 hours sleep there are kids that need much less. Basically, younger children need more sleep and it goes on decreasing as they grow. If your child actually needs less sleep than what you are imposing on him, you are fighting a losing battle. Remember, you cannot force sleep on anyone. If you can’t sleep if you are not sleepy, how can you expect your child to fall asleep at your command? Your child functions very well on just 6 or 8 hours sleep. So be it! There is just no point fighting with them to go to bed 4 hours before they need to.

Once you have established a reasonably bedtime, you then need to decide that you are going to stick to it! Kids will exploit any weakness. If they see a chance to manipulate you into giving them an extra hour they will use any and every tactic they can think of to wrangle that from you: they will ask for a drink, say they are scared, need to pee, ask a question, anything, in fact, that might get you to feel guilty or sorry for them so that they can either stay up later, get more attention, or get to sleep in your bed. Don't give in.

Once you have established the rules, you must implement them. Make a bedtime routine. It is very important, especially for the younger ones. As I said earlier, you cannot force sleep, but you can create a situation when sleep comes automatically. Follow the same bedtime routine day after day, and start well before the target bedtime leading them through the various steps, such as getting changed, doing teeth and bathroom, reading a story and switching off the lights. It pays to give them your full attention during this routine; they feel comfortable and secure.

Then, when it comes to lights out, be firm and calm. Make it clear that you expect them to stay in bed. Leave the door open or a night-light on if they need that. You could also put on some gentle, soothing music if they respond well to that.

The real challenge for parents is when the child gets out of bed after all that or calls for your attention. If the reason is genuine, attend to it without giving much attention otherwise he will use this excuse more often.

Children are inventive; they will invent excuses, problems. One way to tackle this is to set a timer and tell them that you will check on them in ten minutes, if they stay in bed. The trick is to begin with a small time and then gradually increase it. Make sure you live by your promise, but don’t overstay. Just come and tuck them in, caress them and leave.

If necessary you can repeat this procedure, at gradually lengthening intervals, until they are asleep. Yes, it sounds like lot of work at first, but do this consistently and they will learn to stay in bed for longer and longer periods of time. Eventually they will learn to fall asleep before you next come to check on them.

Remember to be positive by praising your child for staying quietly in bed. Also, be very particular about keeping your promise by going to check exactly at the time fixed. This is where the timer comes in handy.

If your child gets up before your next check, you can do the following:

First, send them firmly back to bed. Don't shout; just make it clear you mean business. Then remind them that you WILL be up to tuck them in again, but it won't be until the timer says so, and now you are going to have to restart the timer as they got out of bed. Having done that, ignore them until the time for your next check.

Remember to reward your child for staying nicely in bed. Make a star chart or something similar to encourage him.

Article Source: http://www.christiannotepad.com

Dr. Noel Swanson has written a very informative book and highly entertaining on managing child behavior problems - The GOOD CHILD Guide. Many pediatric nurses consider it a must read for all parents. Also get his parenting articles here.
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