Getting Your Children to Tidy Their Rooms

Almost every parent faces this problem. Some parents learn to ignore it, while others wreck their nerves over it. It leads to frustration, and countless fights and arguments. Neither is desirable. So, here are some tips to overcome it:

First, make sure that there is somewhere to put all the stuff. It is no good expecting your child to tidy up if there is no space in cupboards or drawers in which to put it all. This can be difficult in small rooms, so it may take some pre-planning - maybe even installing some additional shelves, boxes under the bed, or chests of drawers.

Ideally you want enough storage space so that there is still some spare capacity even after everything has been tidied up. Otherwise, if everything is crammed in, it can be very hard to find anything when you want it - which makes the solution of scattering everything across the floor rather attractive.

Next thing to do is to make a routine and set up reasonable expectations. Many children are by nature very meticulous and organized; some are not. Also, their concept of tidiness may be very different from yours. If you think you can see their room spic and span all through the day, you are mistaken. It is an unreasonable expectation; it will only lead to frustration. It would be better if you take your child’s views and then establish a reasonable standard of tidiness, and how often that should be achieved.

Remember, your goal should be to teach your children how to responsibly look after their belongings; it should not be to showcase a spic and span room to show off to others. If you are taking up this exercise only because the untidiness gets on your nerves, then stop and think again. This will not help you or your child. Set your emotions aside and focus on teaching a good habit to your child. Therefore, you will have to be patient and live with an untidy room at times.

You need to establish reasonable expectations, such as putting things away before bedtime and a once-a-week thorough tidy-up. Then you can draw up some kind of contract.

Once you and your child agree on the general framework of the contract, the next thing is what to do if they do, or don't, achieve that?

The focus should, primarily, be on rewards - eg earned privileges based on achieving the goal. This can be combined with a chart system connected to other chores.

In rare cases you can use some punishments for failure, but only as a last resort. And, the punishment should commensurate with the crime. You may want to try out the "black bag" technique, which is to put all scattered things in a big black bag which will be thrown into the attic, basement or garage for a week. If they tidy up the room by next Saturday, they can have it back. If not, then the next week's black bag collection is also thrown into the basement. This continues until they do some tidying up!

Key to the process, however, is a total absence of shouting or other punishments. All is done calmly. At the appointed time you simply go up to the room and gather up the offending articles.

Do this a couple of times and most children will get the message and tidy up before you get there with the black bag!

Finally, if there is a special reason why you want the room tidied up at a non-contracted time - if, for example, you have visitors who will need to borrow your child's room for a night or two - then remember that this is extra to your original contract, so it would be only fair to offer an additional incentive for them to tidy up. It is, after all, for your benefit, not theirs!

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Dr. Noel Swanson's website provides free expert parenting tips & advice - you will also find a free chapter to his highly acclaimed book, the GOOD CHILD Guide. Why not discuss parenting issues with other parents on a parenting forum?
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