Consistency Works like Magic for Parenting

The need for consistency in parenting cannot be over-emphasized. You need to be consistent in what you say and do, and you need to be consistent between the two of you.

Indeed, if you fail I this, you give ample opportunity to your children to manipulate you and play one parent off another. But how on earth do you achieve that? And what if the other parent has no interest in improving his/her parenting style?

Here are some helpful tips:

In order to remain calm and maintain consistency, you need to have a plan. You know your situations and you should make a plan how to deal with them

Once you have a plan, you will be able to calmly do what you had pre-planned.

Without a plan, you will act out of habit, which is often a lot of yelling and threatening. With a plan, you will probably react differently.

You need to be clear about what is important and what is not. Then focus your attention on battles that are worth fighting and ignore the others. Remember, you cannot enforce rules on everything; you need to allow some freedom to the child especially if it doesn’t reflect poorly on the behavior.

If you don’t want your child to put his feet on the sofa, spell it out for him, and stick with it. Don't tell him to get his feet off one day, and then allow it the next time.

If you think through all the conflicts that give you the greatest stress, you will probably find that many of them are in these grey areas. You can't keep sitting on the fence. Once you decide which way you way to jump, you will find that much of that stress goes away.

But what if you have a plan, but your partner keeps undermining it?

If it is very difficult, it sure speaks a lot about your relationship as a couple. You need to look at it again. See, if you can discuss the children calmly and rationally, or are you using them as pawns in your ego games.

You don't even have to agree on everything - as long as you agree to disagree. But even when you disagree, you DO have to back each other up in front of the children. If your partner has said NO you must say NO too; and then discuss it between you privately. If you say NO, you would hope that (s)he would also back you up.

Otherwise the kids will simply go from one parent to the next looking for the answer they want.

So, once again, the key to consistency between parents is the same as being consistent yourself - plan ahead. Spend time discussing your rules and expectations so that you can come up with a coherent plan. One way to do this is to read a parenting book together and then discuss it.

Some parents find it difficult to agree on even fundamental ways of handling situations. This often stems from different styles and beliefs.

You can only be true to yourself. The same for your partner.

This may result in some very different parenting styles - one being permissive the other being authoritarian. The children are not stupid. They will quickly work this out, and will know what they can get away with and with whom.

This is an unfortunate situation and the sooner the gap between you is reduced the better it would be, otherwise it will create more problems in daily life. Since you cannot change the other, it is advisable to make some changes in your attitude. At least it will be more consistent for the children.

If your behavior is not consistent, then the situation can become so bad that one parent will completely destroy the credibility of the other parent. This kind of situation should not be allowed to continue. It is time to think seriously about your relationship and what to do about it. The children will learn to disrespect all types of authority, and you will fall in your own estimation.

The secret is to look at yourself more critically than you look at others. Often, it is your habit that rules your behavior not reason. The golden rule is to change yourself first rather than wait for the other to change first.

Article Source: http://www.christiannotepad.com

Dr. Noel Swanson is the author of The GOOD CHILD Guide for managing children's behaviors and writes for an excellent parenting website.
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